Monday, August 24, 2015

Happy Early 50th BDay To Me!

In 1989 I visited Washington DC almost every weekend. 

One day while I was perusing K Street in GTown with a friend, we happened upon a small record store that also sold some very cool threads. A lot of British fashion stuff, which we were into back then. We were Goths, you know....! 

So I tried on a pair of Doc Martens that I had never seen before. They were actually more feminine looking than the clunky original yellow-thread 8-hole boots. This pair had a more squared toe and was narrower through the foot. I LOVED THEM!! So I paid the $70.00 price of the time and wore them in with TREMENDOUS pride! MY FIRST DOCS! 

After a while no one could separate my Docs and me. We had melded. They were an extension of the flesh on my feet. They were spilled-on, moshed-on, stepped-on, puked-on, and even used to kick a rude girl in the bathroom at the Bank in Philly once...(I was drunk. I don't remember the details, ok?!?) 

Those Docs of mine lived through YEARS of everything with me. 

Until one day, years later, as I was packing to move out of a mold-infested house that I had lived in for 8 years (and now terribly sick from it), I saw it ... 
...My Docs had been infested with HUGE amounts of MOLD. the same mold that was causing my illness. I was devastated. To me, at the time, there was no cleaning this mold away and feeling "OK" about wearing the boots again. I had to throw my beloved Docs away, and my heart was broken.

Anyone who loves their Docs will understand that this is like a death of a beloved friend. 
For years, I couldn't even consider replacing my Docs. Then for even more years, when I DID start to consider it, I couldn't afford to even consider replacing my Docs. I was saddened. 

Last year when I turned 49, I decided to make a "Big 50 Bucket List" of things I want to do during this year, before I turn 50. On that list was that I wanted to save enough money to buy myself a new pair (a perfectly fitting pair) of Docs again. And so I did. :) I ordered them online, and they are as close to my original pair as I can find, and ...AND... they even have ribbon shoe laces. (A benefit of the times, I suppose, and I love that). 

And so, here are my new Docs. May they be moshed-on at least one more time before my days end, and PLEASE make sure I'm buried in them at that time, because THESE aren't leaving me. Thanks. :)

Wednesday, March 11, 2015

Meet John SloX. You'll Be Happy You Did.

Been a while since I posted because, well...LIFE GETS IN THE WAY. 

But I'm here now, and I'm excited to introduce you to a new friend. 
I have TONS of cool & awesome friends in the world. All over the world. I'm truly grateful that they allow me to call them my friends. 

THIS GUY, though, is special. THIS GUY has more talent in the little tip of the fingernail of his baby finger than most shmoes I've ever met. I have yet to find something he cannot do. He makes me laugh until I choke or pee myself EVERY SINGLE TIME he posts something on one of his social media sites, and he's saved me from descent into depression on several occasions, just by watching his posts, and for that I'll be eternally grateful. 
I promise you, you'll want to know this guy

Oh, how typical it would be if I left it just at that; but I can't. 
THIS GUY also has quite a story to tell, and he's willing to tell it. He's willing to tell it, because he actually would like to help other people who might be in a situation like he was. 
...pretty cool guy, huh? 

You haven't even seen a fraction of this SLOX. 

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you John SloX. (Vine)

Guy who knows his street name but doesn't know his street name.

For more of John, please find him on Instagram at notjohnslox or SnapChat at toxoslox.

Monday, March 31, 2014

TODAY'S POST was written by my friend, Kevin, whose hobby is PODCASTING. 
I love to listen to his podcasts, because they're truly enjoyable, just plain-old FUN banter about pretty much everything you can imagine. It's always enjoyable for me. Recently, they've taken on a bit more "bulk" to the format, though, and these guys are now enlisting their army of listeners to help them fight a very good fight: The fight against "PATENT TROLLS". 

READ FURTHER TO LEARN more about how "Patent Trolls" are doing some pretty dubious dirty work to try to impede not only podcasting, but patents in general. 

THIS POST WAS TAKEN FROM the School of Talk website, and I do urge you to check them out to get your dose of a head full of ear candy! (LOVE THAT!) I think you'll be glad you did! (Especially since I'll be their first guest on the show, in a forthcoming episode!) 

Hey Everybody. Kevin here.

Anyone who enjoys podcasting as we know it – whether that means producing or listening – owes it to themselves to look into what is happening with patent lawsuits. I posted an appeal to listeners last week about this topic (post below), but it can’t be mentioned often enough.
The patent system was set up to protect inventors and entrepreneurs from having their life’s work stolen from them. The idea is to have a repository of the ideas and products that are already out there, so if you come along with a new idea or product you can prove that it’s new and that it’s yours. If someone tries to hijack your idea/product, you have a patent number on file with the US Patent Office and you can force them to back down and/or pay reparations.
That is not how Patent Trolls see the patent system. What they see is a way to make easy money and I’ll try to explain how. Patent Trolls exist mostly in the Tech Sector, where patents are more often about a concept than a material product. These low-lifes search the patent records for obscure technology patents that have gone dormant, but could be twisted to apply to an existing technology. When I say “gone dormant” I mean that the patent holder never did anything with the patent, for one reason or another.
Once they have found a patent they think has potential, they make an offer to the patent holder to buy the patent. The holder is thrilled that their old idea (that they thought was dead) is worth something to someone and happily sells it.
At which point the Patent Troll files a lawsuit against the person or persons who are currently making a living using a similar idea.
This is where their evil genius really becomes clear. Patent Law is designed to protect the patent holder. Anyone who has watched movies or TV shows about the legal system is familiar with the concept of burying the opposition in paperwork. This is what the Patent Trolls do, because it costs the defendant A LOT of money. Unlike other legal issues, there is no mandate in patent law that the loser pay the court costs of the winner.
The Patent Trolls are well-funded and able to pack the case full of busywork for the defendant.
Lets say they are suing for $5 Million. Chances are that the defendant doesn’t have $5 Million, and they know this. At the same time, the defendant’s lawyers tell them that it’s going to cost at least $2 Million to fight the suit (I’m totally making these numbers up, by the way). The Patent Trolls then make an offer to settle the suit for $1 Million. A number they know from their research is just enough to cripple the defendant, but not utterly break them.
9 times out of 10, the defendant takes the settlement. Not because the Patent Trolls have a case, simply because the defendant can not afford the court battle. Because even if they WON the case, they would be out $2 Million.
The Trolls have now set their sights on Podcasting. They have filed suit against some of the largest, most successful podcasts. Among them, Adam Carolla, Marc Maron and How Stuff Works.
Carolla isn’t backing down. His is arguably the most successful podcast at the moment, with no sign of slowing down. That doesn’t mean that he can afford to pay out-of-pocket to fight these assholes. Like I mentioned above, they know how much to sue for and how much to offer in settlement. The actual numbers don’t matter much in this discussion. Other than the estimated $1.5 Million that it’s going to take for Carolla to launch a defense.
In a stroke of genius, Carolla has turned to the podcasting community to circle the wagons in support of his crowd funding campaign to raise the funds.
Now to the title of this article. Why does this matter to you and me? It matters because what the Trolls are after in this lawsuit isn’t just a one-time pay-off. They want licensing fees. Which means that if they win (there is no reason to think they will if it actually goes to court), EVERY podcast will be required to pay licensing fees.
This will be the death knell for podcasting as we know it. No longer will anyone with only time to invest be able to broadcast on the internet. No longer will people be able to build their podcast through sweat equity. It will all be based on whether or not you can afford the licensing fees. Podcasting has found its own level already. There is the corporate option to be sure; but there is still also the grass-roots option. The option that allows podcasts like ours to exist and fight for space on the internet. As it stands now, it is up to every podcaster to make or break their brand. If SoT doesn’t build an audience, that is on us as the producers of the content and marketers of our brand. So be it. I much prefer that to a corporation that tells us the only way people can listen to us is if we pay them what amounts to Mafia-style protection money just to post our content.
So. If you have any interest in seeing podcasting remain the independent, grass-roots concept that we’ve all come to love, I implore you to follow our lead and throw your hat in the ring with Adam Carolla in his fight. Visit to learn more.
Stay tuned to School of Talk for more information and a planned fundraiser for the month of May.

Tuesday, March 18, 2014


Thursday, January 23, 2014


After my dad's illness and death from an astrocytoma in 1987, I was "traumatized", to say the least.  
I recall wanting to die with him, so he wouldn't have to face death alone, and frankly, I really had no desire to know "life" without him, anyway.
Needless to say, I was what one would consider "suicidal", and I was absolutely depressed.  For a 21 year old girl who had a dreamy childhood, my life had taken a swift plummet south as soon as I hit 20.  

To understand the extent of my trauma I'd have to start at October 30, 1985, when I was involved in the now-famous "Sylvia Seegrist shooting spree" at the Springfield Mall in Springfield, PA (my hometown).  
For those who don't know it, Seegrist was the first female mass murderer in the U.S.  I'll spare you the gruesome details of that event for now, but suffice to say it took an enormous toll on my sense of security in public places.  I literally watched a young child die in front of me.

Between the trauma from that experience and my father's illness and death, I was in a very rancid pit of PTSD with extreme anxiety and agoraphobia, which was only the beginning of almost 20 years of my own personal hell.  A spiral of paralyzing fears mixed with drugs, mixed with alcohol, mixed with layers of feigned confidence, angst, and blatant disregard for any form of self-respect.  

Put simply: I made sure I felt nothing, and I didn't give a f*ck...about anything except my Mom.  She's the only reason I'm still alive today.  I didn't want to hurt her.

It was at this time that I fell into hardcore fandom for music like PIL, Sugarcubes, NIN, Ministry, and the like.  I found extreme comfort in the anarchy of Johnny Rotten's PIL lyrics.  They were angst-driven for the tenured punks, the aged angry, if you will... and I was one of those folks.  Older, more refined, yet still angry as f*ck at the cruel world... 

ENTER: "Warrior", my favorite song by PIL, which would become my personal anthem - my mantra.  For a bruised and damaged young woman, the words were perfectly fitting.  They rang the battle cry of "I AM WHO I FUCKING AM, AND I DON'T GIVE A FUCK, I'M NOT CHANGING!!!" 

Give a listen, and soak in the lyrics: 

Fields they have eyes
Woods they have ears
Fish always sink
Head first downwards
I'll never dismount
I ride this tiger
Crosses are ladders
Leading to heaven

I'm a warrior
I take no prisoner

Keep the candle burning
Bright in the window
It's the only light i'll see tonight
Beggars can't be choosers
Shrouds they have no pockets
Some of us wake up
Others roll over
But not I
I'm a warrior
This is my land
I'm a warrior
This is my land
I'll never surrender
I'm a warrior

Hear this dog bark
Watch the trees sway
Keep the candle burning
Both night and day
Many invade
I take no quarter
This is my land
I'll never surrender
I'm a warrior
This is my land
I'll never surrender
I'm a warrior
I'll never surrender
I take no prisoner
I'm a warrior

I'm a warrior
These fields have eyes
These woods have ears
Many invade
But I take no quarter
This is my land
I'm a warrior
I'm a warrior
I'll never dismount
I ride the tiger

Oh, yes.  I rode that angry tiger like a screaming banshee toward my own personal island of detachment and fear.  I let no one in, I made no apologies for it, and I was fucking LONELY as hell, but too proud to admit it, and too fearful to change it.

CUT TO: my desire to get the hell off of my Xanax and OTC addiction, kill my paralyzing fears, and go out in the world and actually LIVE once and for all (This happened almost 15 years later, btw...more on that later).

By this time, my anthem had become too dear to me to toss away.  It remained safely in the back of my brain, resonating through the sounds of each day, like some kind of unending loop of daily announcements on the loud-speaker in was ALWAYS there...reminding me to hold fast to who I was. 

When I realized years later that I wanted to use my traumatic experiences from my earlier life to help save other people, I realized that my anthem still held it's water.  As Johnny "Rotten" Lydon also bellows, "Anger Is An Energy" in his song "Rise"... I realized it really is an energy.  And that's also part of the meaning inside my anthem.  I could use my angst and fear as the energies that they are to propel myself in a POSITIVE direction, instead of further into the downward spiral of fear and depression.  What a beautiful thing that is!  I could still ride my tiger, but into a new life - a REAL life. I could still take no quarter...and most importantly to me, I could still have my anthem.

TODAY, as an advocate for mental health and personal development through DURTY GURLZ mudders, I offer you my anthem.  I offer you my translation of it's phrases as a kind of key, or value set.  Take it or leave it.  I'm willing to share it now...because after all, Shrouds they have no pockets...and I have woken up.
(thanks to a young man named D'Artagnan, who you'll meet soon)...


  • Ride the tiger: HOLD FAST; never surrender; stay strong and focused. (ENDURE)
  • Take no quarter: I know who am, what I want, and I will not compromise.
  • Shrouds have no pockets: You cannot take anything with you when you die; what matters is WHO you are & what you do with the time given to you. (KARMA) 
  • Crosses are ladders leading to Heaven: Enduring challenges can make you more virtuous (stronger) “Endure & Prevail”.

I challenge you to use this anthem (or find one of your own) to keep you on your journey.  If you want to live, TRULY LIVE - go here. NOW

Thursday, December 19, 2013

The Philippines Camera Project & My Friend, James

Last year my friend, James Simpson of Condensed Photography lead a trip to the Philippines to work with area children on a very special endeavor called "The Camera Project"

The goal of the project was to encourage young people through the use of photography & art.  Please take a few minutes to see what beauty lies in the perspective of these beautiful children.  TRUST ME - you'll love it

The Philippines Camera Project

Saturday, May 11, 2013

Hypnotherapy: Certainly Not As Scary As A Crazy Cat Lady

I can't believe it's been as long as it's been since I logged in and actually wrote something here.  But here I am, back to write to the the hopes that someone will read that and think, "...hunh...." 

Life is strange.  

It takes you on some amazing adventures, sometimes without even leaving your hometown.  

I'm not going to bore anyone with the details of the last two years of my life.  Most of you reading this will already know a lot anyway.  All you really to know is that I've encountered a good deal of loss in that time, along with a kind of roller coaster of emotions with my personal relationships.  

Don't get me wrong.  It hasn't been all bad or hard.  A lot of it has been really cool, actually.  So I'm really grateful for the time and the experiences, despite the emotions that I had along the way. 

But I wasn't always this clear about everything.  In fact, everything that's happened led me down such an inexplicable path of stress, anxiety and emotional craziness that it became obvious to my good friend, Beth Keil, who is a hypnotherapist.  She knows me so well that she could see I was having a rough time, just by one Facebook post I made.  So she reached out to me and asked me if I was ready to start working with her finally; and I was.  FINALLY.  We'd spoken about it for a few years.  But I wasn't ready.  You see, to commit to actually DOING THE WORK with Beth, and trusting yourself and her enough to ALLOW YOURSELF TO BREAK OPEN is critical to the success of this work.  I was not ready to do that, because THAT is HUGE for someone who is subconsciously pretending to be awesome and brave, when really all they are is...AFRAID.  But clearly (to Beth at least) I was at the bottom of my pit, and I was very ready to find a way out of it when she contacted me that day.  I'm grateful to my friend for that...

So I started my hypnotherapy sessions with Beth at her practice, "Hypnosis Services of Delaware" last Saturday.  Because I had already spoken to Beth about her services and hypnotherapy in general, and because I experienced hypnosis with her before, we started my sessions on what would be a typical "second" session for anyone who has never experienced it before.  

My session was all about my primary reasons for wanting hypnotherapy, and that is that I've been living with anxiety since I was about 5 years old.  When I say that I was "living" with anxiety, I say that very loosely.  No one with anxiety truly LIVES.  They merely cope, in my opinion.  That is exactly what I realized I've been doing (exhaustingly) for the last 41 years of my life, and even more so as my emotional traumas occurred throughout it.  It kept adding up inside me, and I kept pushing it down so that I could get through each day.  What I didn't realize was that I was exhausting myself by doing that.  Not only was I using my energy to suppress my fears around situations, but I was working double-time by using even more energy to act like I was OK.  Without even realizing it, I was subconsciously exhausting myself EVERY SINGLE DAY OF MY "LIFE".  

My FEARS (Beth encouraged me to use the word "fears" rather than "anxieties", because really - that's what it boils down to), I thought, were based on "abandonment" issues, with regard to relationships in my life.  

Through the process of an "Age Regression" in a hypnotic state, Beth worked with me to reveal that my FEAR of abandonment actually stems from a memory from the day I was born.
Now, whether this is an accurately detailed memory or not, I don't know.  But it is my perception of an event that occurred to me and it was very clear, and very real, and VERY emotional. 

The magic that occurs is that, once you realize that this moment - this memory - is the root or first experience that you can recall of feeling this way, Beth guides you to realize it, change it, and accept new information around the memory, and you do it all for yourself.  SHE gives YOU the power and the control to change your own reality, to change where your thoughts take you emotionally in the NEW scenarios.  And it REALLY happens.  

Along with the hypnotherapy, there is a critical added element called 7th Path, that Beth suggested I learn from her.  This technique is a means to sustain the results of the work you do with Beth, after you finish your hypnotherapy sessions with her.  Of course, one can always go back and do more work with Beth.  Life in it's very nature leads us to circumstances that will always bring up pain or fears, or - maybe we will want to lose some weight or quit smoking, or change our thought processes around something.  It's amazing what hypnosis can do for you, by affecting your subconscious mind.  It's amazing how powerful our subconscious mind truly is.  

With the little bit of information that I've learned already after only my first session with Beth, utilizing the 7th Path self-hypnosis technique during my everyday routine is helping me to maintain a level of calm, helping me to RECOGNIZE and redirect any typically anxious or fearful thoughts that pop up, and it's also helping me sleep better.  Best part: I do it for myself.  I can change my own negative patterns into healthy and happy ones, and best of all: I have control.   HOW COOL IS THAT?!?  I really am becoming the woman I never thought I was subconsciously pretending to be all along!  HELLA YEEAH, BADDY BADASS McBADerSTEIN!!! 

I'll continue to post about this amazing and very helpful experience that I believe EVERY HUMAN ON EARTH needs.  WE ALL DO THIS, whether we realize it or not.  

In fact, you know that diet you want to get on, the plastic surgery you think you need, that magical escape vacation you think you want and need so badly to recreate yourself and magically make your life AMAZING?!!? - they are NOTHING in comparison to the permanent and positive/healthy affect that hypnotherapy can have for you.  TRUST ME.  I should have done this YEARS ago, rather than eat all those gallons of Edy's Samoas Cookie ice cream and washing down Xanax with a cool dose of happy juice... But I'm thrilled and excited for myself that I'm doing it now.  (It's actually awesome to be able breathe like a regular human). 

(Thank you, Tardar Sauce).


If you're interested in learning more about Hypnotherapy, 7th Path Self Hypnosis, Hypnosis Services of Delaware, or (or even hypnosis in general!) please contact Beth Keil via the Hypnosis Services of Delaware Fan Page on Facebook.  While you're at it, please "LIKE" the page!  

**TOTAL SIDE NOTE: I can't believe I wrote this without ONE profanity!  FUCKING AWESOME!! bye!